hej Eksperter er i søde at kigge min historie igemmen for fejl, og hvis der er noget er ikke paser sammen så skriv hvordan det så skal skrives... jeg uslover 60 point til ham der kan rette min historie.
og skriv endelig hvad i syntes om min historie :
I will start telling about, a story how called Mission impossible. A man how called The Boss! Some day, the boss was going at the street 10 men, rounding right ahead to him. What shout he does? ROUND! He round and round, but the men was faster then the boss was. So he stops. The men stood to a circle. The Boss asks what they won’t? One of the men walks a one step ahead and say: The little thing in you pocket! What thing asks The Boss? “ Look” The Boss peeked to his pocket. There was a box, he opened it, and there were a little red round things. He has never see it before. The man said again we would have the box you have there! He ask what there will happen if he not giving the box to him? The man said: So will you never have to own anyone thing. So The Boss gives the man the box, and all the men round away. Some days after stood they’re in the newspaper that a dangerous disease was out. He getting that badly what should he do? He was nearly 100 percentages certain at that there were to the little box. The day after asks he a clever man advice. He said that he shout find the little thing and eat it. “BOOM” it was a DREAM.
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30. oktober 2024
Slettet bruger
17. november 2002 - 21:22#1
For det første må jeg lige sige, at det er et meget tyndt plot. Dernæst er der omtrent 50 fejl i din opgave, 1-2 fejl pr. sætning.
Hvis du ikke selv kan opsnappe fejl som "what should he does" eller "a man how called The Boss", så synes jeg ikke, du skal skrive noget så avanceret. De fleste steder kan man godt forstå, hvad du mener, men nogle gange er det bare helt sort, fx "so will you never have to own anyone thing".
du var tidligere inde for at få en til at skrive en historie. Når man så ser dette kan jeg kun sige, du har brug for meget mere øvelse, hvilket du ikke får ved at lade andre skrive for dig. Du skriver "round" men mener formentlig "run" altså løbe det hedder run - ran i datid. prøv at brug en ordbog ;-)
du skriver osse konsekvent shout, når du mener should. Shout betyder at råbe ;)
Synes godt om
Slettet bruger
17. november 2002 - 21:39#6
I will start by telling a story which I call Mission Impossible. It's about a man called The Boss. One day The Boss was walking down the street when suddenly 10 men came running towards him. What should he do? RUN! He ran and ran, but the men were faster than The Boss, so he stopped. The men surrounded him. "What do you want?" The Boss asked. One of the men took a step towards him and said: "We want the little thing in your pocket!" "What thing?" The Boss asked. "Look!" The Boss looked in his pocket. There was a box which he opened. It was full of small round red things. He had never seen anything like it before. The man in front of him repeated that The Boss should hand over the box. "And what if I refuse to give it to you?" The Boss asked. "Then it will be the last thing you have ever owned!" the man responded. So The Boss gave it to the man, and all the men ran away.
A few days later The Boss read in the newspaper that a dangerous disease was spreading rapidly through the country. He suddenly had a very bad feeling in his stomach. What should he do now? He was almost 100 percent sure that the disease was caused by the small things in the box that he had given away. The following day he asked a clever man for some advice. He said that The Boss should find the small things and eat them. And BOOM! It was a dream.
Men brug det kun som en guide til næste gang, du skal skrive stil. Hvis du afleverer dette til din lærerinde, vil hun for det første nok fatte mistanke, og for det andet lærer du ikke en brik! Find på en bedre historie og hold den så på dit eget niveau!
Synes godt om
Slettet bruger
17. november 2002 - 21:41#7
"clever man" skal nok rettes til "wise man". Men det er en smagssag.
Dit sprog er ikke godt, prøv at læse den op for dig selv, gerne højt so du kan høre hvordan det lyder. Der er alt for meget fortælle sprog, der gør sig dårligt i en skreven historie.
Du bør gøre dig klart hvilken historie du vil fortælle, hvad er pointen og så fortælle den enkelt, med varieret sprog, uden for mange indskudte sætninger til at starte med. Så skal det nok komme.
Midt bedste råd er: Læs den op for dig selv og husk at al begyndelse er svær. Englænderne har talt engelsk i flere hundrede år, så det kan vel ikke være så svært, vel!!! ;-)
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